"I Poked a Badger With a Spoon..."

It's taken a little while but I found a new job! Divine intervention? No. Luck? No. Little bit of begging? But of course! I decided it was time to go back to the dodgy world of public school special education. I've been assured that my students are essentially normal and just need a little bit of a leg up in the classroom. You know what that means. These are the kids that sit in the regular classroom tapping their pencils, squeaking their shoes, rocking their chair back and forth, making strange noises with a piece of paper and old Elmer's glue... In other words, they're simply the kids who irritate the piss out of their poor teacher and therefore they need a little something else to keep them entertained. Shall I dance for you then?

So last night while watching an Eddie Izzard DVD, my father starts talking about these sunglasses that go over your prescription glasses and how my grandfather has amassed about 12 pairs of these in his minivan which my father is now driving. What does my mother say? "Oh, you mean the ones you get to protect your eyes at the gynecologist?"

Of course, I damned near wet myself watching "Dressed to Kill". In case you haven't seen that particular Eddie Izzard routine, he literally spends over an hour making fun of the fact that Americans haven't got a clue about their own history or the world around them. So our entire country has now been openly mocked on national television by a European transvestite. Can we get a tiny bit more pathetic?