Department of Public Retaliations

This day couldn't have gotten any longer if you added a parade, a reading from every letter Jesus ever wrote to his apostles, and an interpretive dance. I believe every one of my girls drank rocket fuel for breakfast then promptly removed all volume control, because they were nonstop today. By the time they were done harassing me I was considering changing my name and going into witness protection just to get away from them!

Then of course, the end of the day rolls around and I wind up sitting in a meeting for 45 minutes, feeling like a hula girl bobble head doll as I swivelled from left to right like I was watching a tennis match, just without all the fun grunting and sweating. I'm not actually sure what got accomplished during the meeting but I do know I made a mental To Do list including thwacking my cat for biting me last night and leaving a mark on my knee, and repainting my black nails that somehow managed to smudge even though I painted them THREE DAYS AGO.

I'm wondering what my new neighbors on the first floor must think of me. The moment I put my key in the front door I could hear Riley howling from the third floor like his furry little ass was on fire. And after the shenanigans he's been pulling that might not really be too far from the truth. Every day when I come home from work the rugs are scattered all over hell and creation, his kitty tunnel that makes crinkling noises when he rolls ON it (since he can't seem to figure out that he's meant to go IN it) is halfway down the back stairs, and there is bubble wrap and bark mulch spread out on the kitchen floor.

Anyway, after inhaling two grilled cheese sandwiches I am now sitting on my ass watching Made of Honor, wondering when the hell the housekeeping fairies are going to get here...

---end scene---

Riley + Fish Bowl = FAIL

Yeah, he drank half the dirty water in the fish bowl and is now rocketing around the house. Guess who's going to have a whopping case of the kitty shits tonight...

I Can Has Cheezburger

National Grid Makes Me Want to Punch Kittens

National Grid-

I am well aware that I am two months behind on my electric bill. I'm also aware that I haven't seen a fucking paycheck in as many days, therefore you also will not see a paycheck until my bank account is back in the black (no, not like AC/DC).

Now that I've shared this fact with you, do me a gigantic favor... Don't call my LANDLORD to tell them I haven't paid my electric bill in two months. Can you people not read? You HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER. So if you'd like to tell me that you plan to shut off my electricity, either send me a signing telegram, or dial me direct.

Much thanks.

PS. You people ALSO cannot spell, no matter how many times I cross my name out and write it CORRECTLY on the bills I actually get around to opening... er paying.

Pay Per View

Since I love to write and have a captive audience in the internet, I've started writing articles for Associated Content. Not only do I get to subject the rest of the world to my twisted opinions and interests, but I also get paid for it! However, I get paid per number of views so it would make me a very happy camper if you clicked on the link that is the title of this entry and read (or click on and pretend to read) the articles on my content page! Thank you in advance for subjecting yourself to the horror.