The Silver Lining

I've now missed five days of work in a row. I got sick sometime last week and just finally dragged myself to the doctor yesterday where I was told I have a sinus infection, a virus of some sort, and possibly appendicitis. This would be another reason I can't wait to move out of this white trash cow town hell. People out here are idiots.

When I first moved out here my mother called to see how I liked it. She asked the usual rapid-fire questions that my mother is known for- "Are there any restaurants? Is it safe? Are there any cute guys?"

"Mom. There's a giant f*%king horse in the middle of town."

Pause. "Excuse me what?"

"There's a giant f*%king horse. That's their claim to fame. It's a f*%king tourist attraction for Christ's sake!"

Pause. "....What the f*%k?"

And people wonder where I get it from. It's true though. There's an enormous, anatomically correct rocking horse in the middle of the town because it used to be the largest producer of small plastic toys back in the day, especially little plastic rocking horses. Know what else? They reenact the Civil War every year. AND NO ONE KNOWS WHO WINS!

Everyone always says that you should have a passport in order to go from Boston to Springfield. But what about this hideous no man's land in between? If I had known what a cultural void I was stepping into, I would have slit my wrists somewhere between Route 202 and the middle of f*%king nowhere.

Needless to say I'm pretty happy that I'm going to be moving home. I miss the few really good friends I had made before I left and I definitely miss my parents. It's funny because when I moved out, I couldn't wait to get away. Now I'm almost 30 and I can't wait to get back. I guess it just goes to show how the bond with your parents changes with age. That and I don't trust my father not to fall out of a tree or saw off his own fingers. Again.

When I had my interview a couple of weeks ago I got to the school really early and sat on the steps to read. It's a typical downtown Springfield, neighborhood school and I couldn't help but pretend I was Carrie Bradshaw in my head for a minute. I missed my city. She may have had NYC but I've always had Springfield. I was born there, I grew up spending weekends at my grandmother's house in Forest Park. I learned to ice skate at a rink in Springfield which would lead to almost 20 years of dedication to the sport. This is my city and I belong in my city.

So yes Matt, when one door closes, another one opens. Or sometimes it's a window and you just have to take a chance and fly. It took me three years of living out here in the back woods of Massachusetts to realize I needed to fly but now I'm headed home. Finally!

Stand Up and Be Brazen

Brazen's right. It's time to make you all proud and find a job I can love. Never once have I gotten up in the morning and said, "Teaching isn't for me." Not only is teaching FOR me...but it IS me. I've been a teacher since I was in 4th grade. It's true! I used to be the first one out of my seat helping the other kids finish their work. While most kids were collecting Barbies or riding bikes, I was out in the playhouse setting up desks and handing out math lessons. I will always love to teach. It's just time to find the right place to teach. A place where I can bring my heart along with me and not have it stomped on and fed back to me!

Getting Back on the Bicycle

Phoenix makes a good point. Like his name implies, everyone must eventually rise from the ashes of their collective mistakes. I know that I made the right decision today to go home early because it was better to lose my s*$t at home and lose a day, than to go through my school day off my game, not serving my kids the way I should. I have 8 lousy weeks to survive with these people and even if they're hell bent on making them the worst 8 weeks of my life, so be it. Onward and upward, eh?

Nervous Breakdown????

I'm sure this wasn't the right thing to do at all but today I finally broke down at work and walked out. Well, I signed out. Then I walked out. I'm still a professional after all.

It started this morning when the principal sent an email out to my team "clarifying" that I would no longer be working with the group of 9 kids I usually work with. My TA would be doing that instead and I would be working with the other 3 kids for the final eight weeks. I emailed him back, angry beyond belief, asking him what the issue was. Apparently, he believed my TA and I were going to switch yesterday. I reminded him that in my infinite educational wisdom, I had told him before vacation that the kids would need a day to be prepped for the change and if it was an issue, someone should have talked to me...um...YESTERDAY.

So I went about the rest of the morning with my new group of kids. One of my girls was doing a crossword and while she had put the words in the right places, she had spelled them all wrong. I grabbed her pencil from her, made her laugh off her frustration, and erased the misspellings. As I was helping her correct them, the regular ed teacher came over and started yelling at my student that I should NOT be doing her work for her, that her pencil should be in HER hand. I said nothing at the time because embarrassing my students is not on my to do list. I waited until prep and asked if I could speak with this teacher. I told her flat out I was helping my student with spelling. Her response? "No you weren't. You were doing her work for her. HER pencil was in YOUR hand and YOU were writing. This can't happen. This isn't going to happen."

What did I do? I broke down. I started to cry. After almost 9 months of quietly sucking up every horrible thing that was said to and about me, I couldn't take it anymore. I started to say, "We only have 8 weeks left, can't you just LEAVE ME ALONE!" But she had already stormed out of the room, shaking her head like I was a petulant, misbehaving child.

I went back to my own room where surprisingly there was an email waiting for me from the principal apologizing for what seemed to be a miscommunication about the kid switch, saying he was glad it was handled. I fired back an email that the other teacher had just gotten in my face and as much as I appreciated professionalism, I couldn't work like that today and I was going to take advantage of the opportunity to go home. I signed out, and cried the whole way home.

Now what?

Getting What You Deserve

Well I am taking everyone's advice and seeing all this as a blessing in disguise. Phoenix is right- it's time to find something for the love oh the job. Every time I interview for a new job I say I want a place wher I can die behind my desk. Hopefully this is my time to find that!